How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives

Let me just start by extending my utmost gratitude and appreciation to the author of this book. For years I watched in horror as my cat made decision after reckless decision, wasting eight of his precious God given lives. A tale as old as time...His first life was lost to marijuana poisoning. Second and third, sacrificial satanic rituals gone awry. Fourth life lost after a pistol misfire during a wild western style dual with the neighbor’s cat...(and don’t even get me started on the neighbor’s cat!) In his fifth life he hussled too hard. That one is particularly difficult for me to talk about without triggering a series of violent emotional fits, my apologies. During his sixth life he dabbled purr-fusely as an esteemed purr-fessional gigalo, falling victim to a wicked transmitted disease (Looking at you, neighbor’s cat!!!), the likes of which modern medicine has yet to find a cure. Much to my dismay, both his seventh AND eighth lives were spent smuggling weapons (and catnip) across the Canadian border. My cat, an arms dealer? And smuggling the “purr-p nip” illegals?! I’d just about had it, friends. One day shortly after he’d entered his ninth life, I noticed he’d checked out a book on Satanism from our local library. I’d also witnessed him making soft eyes at the neighbor’s cat. "NOT AGAIN" I thought, “NOT THIS TIME AROUND.” Fearful of what would happen if I didn’t intervene, I began to research diligently for any applicable preventative guidance that might be available to the public. I was determined to secure the purity and safety of my dear cat during his final curtain call in this malicious world! By chance, I stumbled upon this glorious and assistive owners guide. It has more than just your average, run of the mill tips and tricks. It provided my wounded heart and weary spirit with a roadmap to facilitating positive change. In it I found a fresh perspective and countless renewed approaches for talking openly with my cat, sans hesitation. We discussed the errs of recklessness with calculated purr-pose. Sure, we were both hesitant at first... cautious, slightly flustered and embarrassed. Despite the temporary social discomfort this book paved way for opportunity in developing an unfiltered bond of trust between the two of us. We collaborated. We discussed our feelings and experiences. We enlightened each other with the gift of perspective from our own personal lens. My cat now lives each day to the absolute fullest. He helps out around the house, folds laundry, and even makes dinner one night a week. He studied and invested in the stock market, finding a decent amount of success therein. He hasn’t stolen my car or any petty cash from my purse to this date and has yet to watch a single R rated film, insisting he has no desire to ever do so (the only exception being the Wolf of Wall Street). As an additional bonus he managed to convert the neighbor’s cat to Christianity, both of them swearing scout’s honor to a life of respectable celibacy! He also practices mindfulness, meditation and gratitude in hopes to one day land among the monks. Friends, I can now proudly declare that my cat has turned over many a new leaf! He is a positive and astute influence for all, a jovial saint, a blessing with fur—and it’s all thanks to this book! If you can relate in any way to the troubles and tribulations outlined in this review and are for some reason still on the fence about purchasing this book, allow me put your indecision to bed. You will not regret this investment in the slightest. Even if you don’t personally own a cat but know someone that does, buy it. It’s worth every penny to secure this credible, top-drawer reference guide! Educate yourself and everyone you know for the greater good. Don’t wait for your cat to lose another of their nine lives, buy today! Knowledge is power and safety is key, click “buy it now” and grateful you’ll be.All the stars!

I was so excited about this book (it read and looked to be hilarious) and disgusted when I received it. I bought several planning to give away as gifts. . . so glad I took the time to read some of it before gifting. Could have been a disaster! Full of hateful alt-right propaganda and fundamentalist type religious beliefs. I am a firm believer of protecting our 1st Amendment rights, but disguising this level of hatefulness under the pretense of humor is not appreciated. If I could rate this zero stars, I would.

One cat loved it, the other thought it was very boring. See pictures.

I guess if you aren't giggling while reading this, you aren't getting the joke. Don't replace "kids where it says "cat". This book is literally just a joke. Stop being so serious. I dug it and I'm liberal as heck and so did my uber Republican better half. Because it's funny through and through

Capt whiskerfuzzy pant's father is doing fifteen to life in cat prison. You owe it to your pets to teach them about the pitfalls of catnip and the gateway drug that it is. After reading this to my cats, I can honestly say that feline related shootings in my house have been zero.

My cat added this to his wishlist. He seems to enjoy it but is still distant as usual. I suspect catnip and/or pagans.

This book is highly offensive and full of alt right rhetoric that they add cat puns to to make it “light hearted”. DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!!

Glad I was able to finally approach my cat about abstinence only birth control. I had been worrying that we weren’t going to be able to keep up with Florida public school’s progressive views on sex education. I was relieved when I got to the section that addressed just that. I’m glad we prevented my cat from becoming a hussy. I mean, what would my bunko club think if she had kittens so young?

Ordered as a 'bit of daft'.It's quite a fun book, but unfortunately the cat has taken the book very strictly and now rigs up traps all over the place, inside and out.She has also cobbled together weaponry made from empty mackerel tins and cat litter. I suspect she's taking the book far too seriously.

Many philosophical questions for cats that can easily be used for a university course for humans. Take your time and really soak in the subjects, points of view and look at it from your own life... really makes you think......think stuff like why am I wetting myself and why am I rolling around on the floor! This is a great book, a must for people who like pure stupidity with a serious bend.

Once he’d learnt to read it was easier...

I purchased this item with an initial understanding that this was purely a comedic novelty thing that you could pass onto a friend and giggle at the ridiculous, surreal combination of cats and guns going together.... only to realise this is... Not actually a joke.I will keep this book and still laugh - its sincerity of keeping the 'word of god' paired alongside immensely bugged out photographs of cats in various states of experience will prove great dinner table examples. But to know that this book is in fact a tool that probably has and probably will be used to recruit a younger generation to the disgusting morality of the middle American, white collared venom of today - reality just hit a little closer than my stomach could handle this afternoon, to be perfectly honest.

and no mention of how my cat should shoulder her firearm.