Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing

A MUST READ!!!"At the heart of the gospel is the belief that our brokenness does not separate us from the love of God. It connects us."If you struggle with sexual brokenness or unwanted sexual behavior, THIS is the book is for you! Do you want to understand why your loved one indulges in such behavior that so clearly damages the relationship they claim to care most about? Then read this book! Even if you do not, this book provides intellectual and Christian insight on a subject that is very real in our world today. Overall, it gives you an idea of what others may be going through, why they choose such behaviors, and how God does not abandon those in need. Unwanted will transform your life or the life of someone you know.By pursuing the deepest affections God has given us, this book delves into scientific research, our minds, our past, and our current routines. It invites those who question their lust to open their minds and hearts...and begin to heal. Our past dictates much of our learned behavior whether it be consciously or subconsciously. UNWANTED encourages the reader to explore their past to determine why current behaviors may be set in place. Referencing biblical verses and reminding those of God's unconditional love, the reader is reminded that they are not unloved nor alone.So often we blame ourselves for our sin and fall down a rabbit hole of insecurity, shame, and brokenness. This book allows you to free your mind, understand God's unconditional love, and get out of the endless vortex of negativity and self degradation. 'Unwanted' truly paves the way to healing the sexually broken by opening up their minds through reason and understanding. The power of this book is freedom. It gives readers freedom to let go of their past, their sins, their shame, and to learn to forgive themselves while creating a positive lifestyle and redirecting the mind. God has already forgiven us; and with the help of this book, we can forgive ourselves."If you want to understand why you are addicted to something, you have to understand the conditions that keep your addiction in place...Addiction is primarily a form of medicating oneself."'Unwanted' explains feelings and behaviors in a way that is easy to understand and comprehend. I had a lot of "aha" moments while reading this book. It also provides reflection questions at the end of each chapter and helps the reader paint a road map of their life. I was honestly mind blown by the simplicity of exploring our past to understand our present. I also loved how the book references the Bible along the way to really give you a clear picture while providing growth through understanding. Overall, 'Unwanted' was beautifully written and will change lives!

Great read, easy to understand, for anyone with unwanted sexual behavior, counselors/mentors/ and those that live with loved ones struggling with pornography, affairs, and prostitution. A good read for parents of young children who want to be proactive and protective of these harmful behaviors, and parents of adult children who are in the trenches of sexual brokenness. Based on the research of over 3,800 people, Jay Stinger helps us understand the root of our sexual behaviors, instead of just trying to help us set rules and boundaries that ironically send us back into the shameful situations we have tried for decades to run & hide from. Stringer uses Biblical doctrine with much research to help you find the answers humanity has longed for. "I spend time with people experiencing lifelong struggles with unwanted sexual behavior, especially pornography, I'm always struck by how little they enjoy sex. God gave us the most remarkable minds and bodies, especially designed to experience the fullness of fantasy and pleasure. If we've move out from our hovels of sexual shame and meaningless hookups, there is so much more awaiting us as children of God... Evil hates the beauty of sex, and because it cannot abolish its existence, it works to corrupt its essence... Evil seduces us away from personal growth and into an escape that will paradoxically inject us with greater shame... The Father who waits for us is not ashamed of us. On the contrary, he is a cheerful and indiscriminate host. He offers invitations to everyone, particularly whom society deems most unclean, unworthy, and perverse... If you want to understand why you are addicted to something, you have to understand the conditions that keep your addiction in place... The more you know yourself, the more intimate connection you can have with others, and the more connected you are to others, the more you will discover who you truly are. Sexuality allows us to turn away from the constant demands of life and turn toward relationships in orders to feel less severed, less amputated, and less disconnected in our fragmented world... Sexual brokenness is not a life sentence; it is an invitation to heal our wounds and learn who we want to become... Man who grew up with strict fathers were more likely to develop fantasies of power over women in the top of pornography they pursued... 63% of the respondents wanted more of their fathers' involvement, in 39% wanted more of their mothers' involvement... When children were neglected by their parents, then innate desire they have to be enjoyed and pursued was picked up by their abuser or their peers... Unwanted sexual behavior is one of the most common avenues we pursue to reverse or reinforce the negative experiences we endure it in childhood. Our goal is to study and grieve the conditions that led to our sexual brokenness, there by reducing their power over our present... The journey out of unwanted sexual behavior begins by recognizing that your struggles may be the most honest dimension of your life. Your sexual struggles reveal your wounds, but they also reveal the traffic longings of your heart... Research found that 47% of men and women did not have someone they could talk to when something difficult happened in their childhood... One of the most glaring areas in which parents were remiss was in talking to their children about sex... A child needs to hear sex talked about in a way that honors the natural, God-given changes and desires that will accompany them from childhood to adulthood... Research shows men and women who struggled with unwanted sexual behavior had parents who were either silent or unhelpful about conversations related to sex... Where parents and Faith communities will not educate, pornography will... Anger within our abandonment is important because it alerts us to the reality that something around or within us is not as it should be... Abandonment is dangerous because it temps us to lose faith ( or never find it) in the most foundational levels of what it means to be human individual maturity and a loving bond with others... Healing involves making conscious decisions about the data of sexual brokenness in one's life. Your behavior can be an invitation to become an adult and heal the pain driving your decisions, or it will inevitably be irrefutable evidence that proves how pathetic you have become. To write a new sexual story for yourself, something must shift in your commitment to hiding the anxiety, shame, and anger in your life." There are SO MANY take-aways from this brilliant work that is very relatable. Thank you Jay Stringer for the work you've put into this subject, your honesty, & candidness. May many be healed, educated, and grow as a result of it, and remember that our sexuality is a gift from God that is truly amazing when it is used as it was created for.

Human beings are meant for so much more than to be reduced as sexual animals. Jay Stringer does a formidable job bringing to light the reasons we may step into sexual addiction and helps draw us toward what we may be escaping from.Using specific case studies as examples and looking carefully at the teachings of Jesus, Jay provides an open hand to any who hope to step out of their unwanted behavior and into a life with depth of meaning.

This book just wants to justify sin. It puts the responsibility of the sexual brokenness is the fathers of other circumstances. This book wants to take the responsibility of the addict. This is contraproducente. Sexual acting out is a sin. And a CHOICE. A sexual addict is not a victim. You can not find healing of you take a victim mindset and don’t own responsibility for your choices and it’s consecuences.I do not recommend this book if you really want to be free. This book actually encourages to keep in the addiction, because it says is not your fault, you watch porn because your partner wounded you. That’s NOT TRUE. We have a decision. We are not victims.

Having worked in this area as a Probation Officer I feel this book has great potential to support men .. and increasing numbers of women who want to break free from a cycle of unwanted sexual behaviour. It dares to alert readers that they have to look at causes as much as consequences and that so much harmful behaviour has its roots in traumatic childhood experiences . It does not go in for parent blaming on a huge scale but rightly suggests that you sometimes have to look back to move forward. It has a Christian approach which should not put people off as it is not preachy or judgemental and often critical of faith organisations response to the issue of Pornography. There are lots of practical suggestions , and follow up resources .

I am still working through the book.

I will read through this book more than once. It has helped me to travel back to my dark childhood and fix some of the internal problems hidden there.