The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love Paperback – December 21, 2004

This is the most relevant and important book on men and masculinity I have read this decade, it includes the important recognition and explanation of men’s experiences as survivors (victims) of the patriarchy. As explained in this book men are not the benefactors of the patriarchy, but a specific target for exploitation at the hands of economic elites using social mores and violence to control them.This is also a critical read not just for men, but for women and anyone who is interested in understanding the origins and realities of the feminist movement and especially how it has failed men, and in doing so has failed women, families and society as a whole.This book doesn’t just talk about the problems of patriarchy in reference to our communities. It talks about specific perspectives, paradigm shifts, and actions we can all take to rectify these issues.Furthermore, this book is very accessible, very easy to read and quite engaging. Brilliant - I’m so sad that we have lost Bell Hooks in recent years - she was one of the most important political and social leaders of our time. And this book clearly demonstrates that.In regards to how it made me feel? The his was the first time I read a book by a non masculine person that validated and empathized with the challenges that men face. It helped me understand many of the issues I have in my life. And it also challenges the misandry of this age. Honestly I believe that people from across the political spectrum, especially men, will find this book validating and and surprisingly support to the many men who are fighting for awareness of men’s issues, as well as men who are suffering alone in silence. This is a must read.

This book has not changed my mind but brought new thoughts to my being. The education within this book is overflowing, and it has given me a second life in my journey to healing. It is very true for me to see how I am wounded. I used to believe that was healing but Bell Hooks taught me that healing is now possible. Instead of getting to the finish line with this book, I am not able to get to the starting line of my own healing. Thank you.

bell hooks is my favorite writer / theorist of all time. Deconstructing patriarchy, colonizer culture, white supremacy, and “masculinity” with love? She’s amazing. Her body of literature—starting with this book—is a must-read for anyone doing the work.

bell hooks is a well-known black feminist author. She notes that dealing with the fundamental feminist problem of patriarchy requires helping men find better ways through life. She also notes that many men are themselves hurt by patriarchy. Men are often held back from their best lives because of shortsighted stereotypes of masculinity. In this book, she offers her reflections on how to help men heal from a culture of domineering and to enhance their relational skills.This book seems centrally geared towards a female audience. She uses terminology like “patriarchy” and “emotionally wounded” common to feminist literature. These words are not words most men I know typically use. Were she to address a male audience, I suggest that she find substitutes like “domineering culture” or simply “hurt.” Courageously, she criticizes how women often internalize and support a patriarchal culture to the detriment of men and themselves. This book nonetheless represents a woman’s perspective on men, not a man’s perspective on men. I’m not sure a lot of men will appreciate it, just as a lot of women might not appreciate a book written by a man about women.As a man who values women, I appreciated how she educated me about women’s frustrations with men. I took issue with one chapter, though: the one about boyhood. She lays out a generic narrative about boyhood that simply doesn’t seem true to my personal experience. I have no doubt the abstraction applies to some boys, but just like feminism values the diversity of women’s experiences, I contend that a variety of boyhood experiences exist that aren’t easily summarized in one overarching story. We all interact with patriarchal culture in different ways, and any account of boyhood should acknowledge this fact.Overall, this book offers an interesting investigation to gender relationships. We live in an era where many prominent men are emotionally stunted and devalue what used to be regarded as noble virtues. As hooks contends, many men simply need to “grow up.” Turning the tables, she observes that many women do, too. Feminists must take on the courage to confront domineering men in their lives and not tolerate them as partners. As a man, I fully support this ideal as a way of bettering family lives and seek to adopt it more in my own life.