When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times

When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön is a profound and deeply comforting book that offers timeless wisdom for navigating life’s most challenging moments. Whether you’re dealing with personal loss, emotional turmoil, or existential uncertainty, Chödrön’s gentle guidance helps you find peace and clarity amid the chaos. What I Loved: • Compassionate Wisdom: Chödrön writes with an incredible sense of compassion and understanding. Her insights are drawn from Buddhist teachings, but they’re presented in a way that’s accessible to anyone, regardless of their spiritual background. The book feels like a warm, comforting presence that reassures you it’s okay to feel vulnerable and lost. • Embracing Uncertainty: One of the central themes of the book is the idea of embracing uncertainty and impermanence. Chödrön teaches that it’s precisely in our moments of discomfort and fear that we can grow the most. This perspective shift is incredibly empowering and can help you face life’s difficulties with more resilience and grace. • Practical Advice: Beyond the philosophical and spiritual insights, the book offers practical advice for dealing with difficult emotions like fear, anger, and sadness. Chödrön encourages readers to stay present with their feelings, rather than running away from them, which can lead to deeper healing and understanding. • Meditative Quality: The writing itself has a meditative quality, with short chapters that you can read slowly and reflect on. It’s the kind of book you can pick up and put down as needed, making it a perfect companion for tough times. • Universal Relevance: Although rooted in Buddhist philosophy, the themes of the book are universal. Chödrön’s teachings about love, compassion, and acceptance are relevant to anyone going through a difficult time, regardless of their beliefs.

This book was very helpful to me, so much so, that I ordered another one by the same author.

I heard about this book through a Reddit forum and figured it was worth a read after hearing such good things. I went into it with an open mind just looking for some guidance and comfort with everything that has been on my shoulders lately. It took me a week to read it because life is busy but I didn’t ever want to put it down. It is written in such an open nonjudgmental way that the messages are easy to understand and receive. There were a few passages that really resonated with me and some that I probably didn’t understand because I haven’t experienced something as of yet to apply the wisdom to. I’m already planning on reading it again soon. It really left me with a sense of peace knowing that I can come back to this book at any time knowing that it will always be applicable regardless of whatever heartache or strife I’m experiencing in the present moment. I completely recommend this to any person seeking peace or wisdom or tools to live a more peaceful empathetic life and leave this world better than we found it.

This book is filled with insights on how to get beyond that incessantly babbling parrot we call the conscious mind, to stop clinging to our life stories, what Eckhart Tolle might call the content of the mind, and to connect with our real self. In doing so we connect with, well, everything. The frustrating part of this read for me, though, is that Pema often uses a unique vocabulary to describe the ideas she wants to get across, and to me it's not always clear what she means. It's not that she's using esoteric Buddhist terminology--I'm thinking that it's either just the way she expresses herself, or maybe the followers of Trungpa Rinpoche share a common vocabulary through prolonged contact with him and each other. I'm reminded of Darwin's finches, evolving separately from their kin in isolation in the Galapagos. In any event, there were a number of times when I wasn't sure I got her meaning. I read each troublesome passage a few times and made my best interpretation, but I really can't be sure what I understood is what she meant. My personal feeling is that she'd reach more people if her language was a little more generic, for lack of a better word, or if she defined some terms. It's not that she should "dumb down" her explanations--not at all. I just think at times she could have done a little better job of writing to her audience. And to be fair, at times her writing is very clear and compelling--no easy task considering she's tackling a subject that, at its core, goes beyond words. All of that said, this is still definitely a worthwhile read. It's not just about any one concept or method, it's a comprehensive set of practices to free yourself from attachment to the false, surface layer, ego driven self in order to reach the real you--the you who can experience true joy that's not contingent upon your situation, not contingent upon money, status, getting what you want or finding that "special someone". I also liked how she makes it clear that none of these practices will make pain, fear or the ordinary troubles/emotions of life go away. What they will do is allow one to feel all of life fully without becoming attached. How often do we add to our misery by living in the past, replaying it over and over again, embellishing, adding commentary--letting the small snowball roll down the hill until it's big as a house? I've read a number of other books that cover roughly the same territory, each with its own slant and style. I'm glad to have found this book because, despite the occasional difficulties ciphering her meaning, I really feel it has a great deal to offer and has moved me forward in my personal journey.

The angels were busy taking care of me when I bought this book. The book flew off the shelf in that famous DC, Dupont Circle bookstore called Kramer's. I was literally trying to pull out another book when this one fell out of the shelf. As I caught it and looked at the title I groaned, but recognizing that it may be just the book I was looking for without knowing it, I opened it. Immediately I found myself reading about how to address the sad circumstances I had found myself in after facing death on the surgical table, and shortly after life-threatening violence from a partner (my true love) I had to ask to leave, and he left. This was only three weeks after my broken body and heart tried to rise above and go to a meeting I had planned on attending for some months. I realized immediately how faking my happiness was a mistake and not helpful. Being a buddhist, somehow I was lost in many not so great practices such as having plenty of champa, and wanting confirmation, and even having a major savior complex, all things Pema explains are the opposite of the path. Instead she teaches you tonglen in this book which means to breathe in the pain and poison, yes to embrace it, and to transform it on the out breath into happiness and joy. But not just your pain, but all others as well in similar circumstances. This has been useful all on its own, but this book has a deepness that cannot be described in a review. There are new ideas throughout and reading many times will maybe not be enough. Get this book and treat it with open curiosity as she intends it. Follow some of her ideas and you will begin to see transformations, but be patient. My gratitude is difficult to measure. This book saved me from longs bouts of blaming and bitterness, and has more than filled what I had perceived as a hollowness that threatened to consume me. It takes work, but that is what is so lovely about buddhist precepts, no one expects you to get it immediately, and it is a process. If we all learned to love and thank our enemies, and radiated joy in a non-self -centered way what a world we would have. I bought a second copy of this from Amazon, and sent it to my ex-partner to help him as well. You can never run away from yourself, or your pain, instead run toward, examine your moments in life with curiosity, and strive to let go of ego. Enjoy this beautiful book written with much love.

This is gentle reading during challenging times. It may not be the easiest reading but feel like it connects directly to the core of human experience and can help soften or reframe our ideas around this. It's possible to read as you feel called to since each chapter is self-contained.

I grew up and was deeply involved in a moderate Baptist church. For much of my life I considered myself a "good" Christian who knew that Jesus died for my sins and therefore I also knew that I was bound for heaven. But it wasn't until I was 40 years old and had seen my life fall apart that I decided to let go of my life completely, and give it to God. Interestingly, after this total commitment and release to God, I was immediately and strangely drawn to the biblical book of Ecclesiastes. Many wonder why this book was included in the bible because it seems to contain nothing but the pervading theme of hopelessness. Yet, its words seemed to give me comfort and a source of spiritual strength. It was difficult for me then to explain this to other Christians. Pema's book is a kind of contemporary practical application of the teaching found in Ecclesiastes. Of course our lives and our world are utterly evanescent. Nothing lasts. Yet, most of us become quite delusional during our lives by effectively denying this fact. We grab hold of anything we can that can give us a sense of a sustainable and unique identity... including our religious tradition. But any or all of this can be taken away in an instant. Both Pema's and Ecclesiastes' teachings have the power to bring us home by helping us to discover our eternal identity in the unmanifest... in the mystery of Infinite Spirit. Once we find our home there, nothing can shake us. There is a power and a joy that is not fully describable with words... because its source lies beyond words, beyond creation. In one of Jesus' prayers he asks God to bring all people into Oneness... "may they be One as we are One." Pure Oneness implies the loss (even death) of a separate identity, and the realization of a universal identity as One. Pema's use of the idea of hopelessness is really the movement through the death of our false and fleeting separate identities into the ultimate home of Oneness with each other and with God. I believe that Pema's teachings can aid any one that is ready, whose ego has been broken enough, to discover their eternal home even as they live in this manifested world. This can be a liberated life filled with the courage and fearlessness to bring Unconditional Love to the whole world, and especially to the seemingly unlovable.

When I was diagnosed with advanced cancer in 2010, a clinical trial nurse gave me one of the greatest gifts of my life: When Things Fall Apart – my introduction to Pema Chodron. My own experience with cancer is a validation of much of what she writes: “It’s as if we had a terminal disease but might live for quite a while. Not knowing how much time we have left, we might begin to think it was important to make friends with ourselves and others in the remaining hour, months or years.” This statement alone is a brilliant truth. Her writing about the practice of maitri, “developing loving-kindness and an unconditional friendship with ourselves”, is filled with compassion. Her line “It is never too late for any of us to look at our minds” is an invitation to grow. Over the years, I have given this book and others by Pema to countless loved ones and clients. At the same moment, Pema reveals a flaw in her thinking. Although she warns us not to participate in harshness, she herself levels a wholesale condemnation of theism: that in her mind, a belief in God, a higher power, entity or energy, is tantamount to “abdicating our responsibilities.” Belief, prayer, creating space to enter into an I-Thou relationship with the Divine: for Pema, this is the same as “thinking there is always going to be a babysitter available when we need one.” For Pema, feeling hope, having hope, and seeking to engender hope in others, is (to put in more kindly than she has) misguided. While I agree with so much of what Pema writes, her concept of, and denunciation of, any form faith and hope, is troubling. She participates in the very harshness she warns her readers against. My questions for her are as follows: was Martin Luther King seeking a “babysitter” when he invoked God in his messages? Was Jesse Normal referring to a “babysitter” when she sang Amazing Grace? When Joan of Arc was burned at the stake, was she hoping to connect with a “babysitter” to “hold her hand”? Is the entire work of St. Ignatius of Loyola, including his Spiritual Exercises, nothing more than a fool’s errand? When Native Americans participate in rituals honoring the Great Spirit, are they trying to relate with a “babysitter”? When Deepak Chopra observes when we see a glorious sunset, it is because God put it there for us to see, is he participating in the “theism” which Pema holds in contempt? Are Carmelite orders around the world silly and wrong to pray for peace on earth? Are Hindus in error encouraging us to be open to seeing God in every person? Are Jewish mystics in error to seek wisdom from the angels of the Kabbalah? I love Pema’s work. Every morning, I send Pema love and light and pray her work is disseminated and embraced. I pray this also for the Pope, the Dali Lama, Eluv (whose Guided Chakra Meditation and Guided Visualization is unparalleled for connecting with universal love and peace) Doreen Virtue’s early work and angel cards (available on Amazon and filled with hope, wisdom and compassion and Woodeene Koenig-Bricker’s wonderful book 365 Saints, a daily guide to the wisdom and wonder of their lives Pema has tapped into spiritual wisdom, but reveals a disdain for others’ beliefs. There is room for more than Pema’s judgment that belief in God is for those who only want a “babysitter.” Above Carl Jung’s office door hung a sign: “Called or not, God is present.” He was not talking about a “babysitter.” Maybe part of our lives and our spiritual practice is to have a deepening awareness of this holy and transcendent presence. On this point, Pema is not open, but Carl is. And openness is a great step to having compassion and peace – for ourselves, and others.

Pema trasmette sempre grande profondità, saggezza e una visione ampia delle cose. A me è stato molto utile in un momento particolare della mia vita e ogni tanto ritorno a guardare alcuni punti salienti, riconoscendone la rilevanza e riportando la consapevolezza su quegli aspetti

I was actually recommended this for its universalist principles since I am of a different religion (although there are some overlapping philosophical thought). This book although written for people who are in the early stages of entering Buddhism or at least a are familiar with different principles/concepts/schools of thought, it really carries some weight with some very universal principles which can be applied to life and despite being deep and philosophical, in general it’s written in a very clear and accessible way, very well explained. For perspective, I’m going through the toughest time of my life and certainly facing some of the toughest things which a human could face at such an age, being left extremely vulnerable by life events and now I find myself sitting at a crossroads. I was desperate to get some help seeking answers, and so I decided to get this along with a lot of other books to assist me on my journey from healing to rebuilding. This book begins by helping you to focus on being present, challenge our perceptions, and more importantly how we can sit in the present moment (something which today can seem so hard to do in a fast paced society). This demonstrates how you can think clearer by sitting in the now and understanding the “spirit of the moment” so to speak. To understand, to open the mind, to feel, and also how this opens us up to become more compassionate and more when we consider others and our environment then we truly can shift our perspective in turn allowing us to grow and to make us wonder wether we are asking the kind of questions which we should be asking. It certainly is helping my thought process so far, and when combined with deep study, critical thinking and synthesising of the raw information (by looking beyond theology) and of course the application of life efforts of bravery, compassion, courage and more then this book can be a very powerful tool indeed for viewing life in a brighter light. I am deeply grateful to the author and editors for making this book available to all. Thank you.

This is a fascinating book on some Buddhist principles that can be of use when facing challenging events or periods, even if you are not Buddhist but have an open mind to different ways of approaching difficulties. I found this very helpful and interesting, and delivery was quick. Already recommended this book to a friend who is loving it too.

Paper quality was too light.... otherwise book was good

Intenso e perfeito para ser lido em horas difíceis