Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self

This book is filled with (& triggers) so many insights that I've just finished reading it for the 4th time in as many years. It's a book meant to be absorbed, not just read through once & passed along. Why? Because the impact of having narcissistic parents can be really complicated and there just isn't a single cure for us all. It's definitely not for the "USA Today, CNN, text me the answer, give it to me in 3 lines or less" kind of crowd. That's for sure! This ground-breaking author wrote this still very valid book to help us understand more than the elements of narcissism. She wants to help us figure out for ourselves how being a child of narcissists us through the process of thinking about her examples & stories with newly educated eyes.While I also loved, "The Wizard of Oz & Other Narcissists" by Eleanor Payson (I loved it so much I asked her if I could narrate it for her & I did), this combination of books really gives you the practical & profound explanations & experiences needed to heal the multi-layered wounds & incredibly tangled up defense structures caused by (& truly needed to survive) growing up with narcissistic parent(s).This is more like a workbook deserving of study breaks & profound periods of brutally honest self-reflection. It's true, this isn't a book for those wanting quick, snappy answers. It's for people willing & wanting to do the hard work to mine the priceless treasures from this book. In my experience & those of several I've recommended it to, it's worth the effort in ways that most of us can't imagine possible until the "ah ha's" begin to surface and the hope for emotional well-being is actually felt as a real possibility.Oh, by the way, your vocabulary is going to improve as well, if you're interested in that kind of thing. I had to look up 78 words, most too long for "Words with Friends" & definitely not easy to work into everyday conversation...but a bonus nonetheless. After admiring her for years, I just had a consultation with her last Sunday for a project. I teased her about her amazing vocabulary and she laughed with me about that. I like that in an author. I also believe that anyone who decides to get serious about healing your narcissistic wounds will find your own treasures in this book.

Fascinating, tender and encouraging read. Shockingly well-written. There's no passive voice in this book, and that isn't easy to find in any well-written book.If you had a narcissistic parent, this book will speak to your soul. More importantly, it'll help you recover. I highly recommend finding a therapist familiar with narcissism to help you along the journey. My therapist recommended this book when I told her I was reading "Will I Ever Be Good Enough: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers."I learned through therapy that both my parents exhibit parental narcissism. I couldn't see it, because they're generally kind people to others and aren't into appearances. Now I've learned so much about narcissism, particularly the depth of the spectrum (many Ns are covertly lurking among us, and now I can spot them easier and know how to handle them).This book helped me transition from anger and denial to acceptance, and now towards healing. The author is a brilliant thinker and profoundly emotionally intelligent. I've grown and healed so much through reading this book -- and my process was supported by a great therapist and group therapy, where I'm experientially learning to form healthy boundaries, healthy coping mechanisms, and how to find my adult self to heal my wounded parts).There is hope for children of narcissists. The journey to your authentic self isn't short and sweet, but the ride is made easier by applying the wisdom and guidance in this book.

The first 1/3rd of the book used terms requiring a dictionary to understand, even in context - not a problem for me though, I love learning. But if you really want to understand yourself, your parents or guardians, then you will wade through the first third of the book; it can be hard reading but worth every effort.Decades of trying to help myself understand why I have certain thoughts and behaviors, always running into walls just short of successes, failing at love, with others, and even simple tasks and projects, and using spiritual introspection and meditation to help me understand me, provided so much disjointed knowledge that I may have floundered forever in darkness had Trapped in the Mirror not come into my life through a totally unexpected source. To me it's nothing short of Divine Intervention.The author used a number of clinical examples to detail Narcissistic Personality Disorder with descriptive behaviors that I had previously understood in a round-about way but could not fit the information I had gleaned and learned into any form of comprehensive perspective. All my years of self study provided many answers but the information rolled around in my head in a sort of chaotic jumble until Elan connected the dots.The sudden realization of validation was overwhelming, epiphany after epiphany threw tons of bricks off my shoulders with each page well before I had finished the book the first time. I began to understand things about myself and the behavior of my parents and others that I never considered before. Answers, many answers, that eluded me for a lifetime came into view and the pall of darkness that shrouded my existence suddenly lifted and a light flooded my world.Confusion turned to understanding so clear it was as if Elam's book was a message from God that unlocked my very soul and set it free!Years of emotional pain, anguish, and anger were transmuted to deep sadness with rivers of tears containing every emotion possible, and then compassion washed over me and all I could do was feel acceptance and love, for me, for my brothers and sisters, and my narcissistic parents. A Divine Gift that changed history and is mending long strained family relationships.I am still unable to abide them, my parents, but I am no longer stuck from a personal development perspective, I can move forward and evolve into what I was meant to be. Perhaps one day I will even try to help my parents. But for now, I AM FREE!From the bottom of my heart, Thank You Elan!Raymond

Felt like this book buried into my heart and brain and put words to so many of my experiences and emotions. Made me cry, in a positive healing way!!! Can’t recommend enough, will probably re read multiple times.

A book full of insights - and lots of gems that i will reflect on. The stories of people are simple and stark, the lessons are harder to digest - in a good way, but that is where the real homework lies.

Reading this book, in different stories,you can find and relate to different aspects of your past and gain a deeper understanding of yourself

Trapped in the Mirror was one of the first books I ever read that dealt with issues I've experienced all my life with narcissistic people, even within my own family. So this book was a sort of introductory reading to the world of psychopathology for me.It's light reading and she doesn't use too many big words that leaves scratching your head and having to reach for the dictionary every other sentence. But she gets to the point and heart of the matter about narcissism pretty clearly and precisely. I think it's a great book to recommend for people as light reading dealing with many issues that we face every day. So get this book to educate yourself about the existence of self-observed, narcissistic people, because they are everywhere!

Don't let bad commentaries stop you from reading this amazing book ! It's been a totaly transforming experience for me ! Very highly recommended !