The Divorce Remedy: The Proven 7-Step Program for Saving Your Marriage

Having read just about every relationship and divorce book on the market, it is this one that I buy multiple copies of and give to all my friends, relatives and others. Why? First, many marriage-saving books are written from a religious perspective, but this one is not. It is not that she is anti-religious, just that you don't have to be religious to enjoy the book. I also like the fact that it is not that she thinks divorce immoral, just that she sees how miserable it makes even those who initiate it, in many cases. On page 14 of her other excellent book Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again , Michele Weiner-Davis writes: "MOST PROBLEMS ARE SOLVABLE. I have not arrived at this conclusion based on religious or moralistic views. From my perspective, divorce is not immoral or bad. In fact, in extreme cases, certain relationships are better off terminated for the health and well-being of everyone involved." Many books are very negative and encourage behavior guaranteed to destroy a relationship instead of helping. This book is positive, gives the reader hope, and backs that up with concrete, specific, clear suggestions for what to actually do in practice to maximize the chance of saving your marriage. I like the fact that she points out that your friends, family, and therapist may well push you to end your marriage, if only because they only hear your own side of the story. This is so true. It is a pity people nowadays make the mistake of bad-mouthing their spouse to others. John Gottman, too, has written that this is one of the things that jeopardizes marriages. ( Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship ) It is no good giving this book to a spouse who wants a divorce: it is not written for the person who wants a divorce but those who are prepared to make changes to save their marriage, or those who are at least willing to give their spouse another chance. If you are the spouse wanting a divorce, you might find it useful to give this book to your spouse, though you should of course make it clear that this is not intended to give your spouse hope. To the extent that your spouse adopts the author's suggestions, both you and your spouse will find life more pleasant, and it may well help your spouse to feel better whether or not it saves your marriage. (You too may be surprised if you adopt her suggestions!) For those not wanting to end your marriage, if only it could be a bit less ghastly, a bit more enjoyable, this is THE book to read. If you try the suggestions in this book and it still doesn't work, then at least you will know you did everything possible to save your marriage. Many of the suggestions are for very small changes that can have surprisingly large effects. Things you can actually do even in the midst of terrible turmoil and fear of loss of your marriage. Her suggestions will help you feel better about yourself AND better about your spouse. What is so beautiful about Weiner Davis's writing and this book in particular, is that she manages to be kind not just to the reader, but to the reader's spouse as well. For example, in Chapter 2, Weiner-Davis helps you to see that it is possible that each of you is mistakenly but very understandably blaming the other: "interactions in relationships are circular. You do something->your partner responds->you react->your partner responds, or, if it makes you feel better, you can view it the other way around. Your partner does something->you react->your partner responds->you react, and so on. Where the cycle begins is just a matter of perspective. And the good news about all of this is that when things are spiraling out of control, there is something you can do other than try to convince your partner to change. You can interrupt the cycle by changing your actions." There are so many otherwise worthwhile books that are marred either by the writer being nasty to the reader (IMO, Dr Laura's books often fall into this category) or by the writer being nasty about the reader's spouse or encouraging the victim mentality. To create a good relationship, good will is required, and it is difficult to develop good will when the relationship is on the rocks, but if any book can help you do this, it is this one by Michele Weiner Davis. Another problem with many relationship and marriage saving books is that they require both spouses to work on the marriage. We all know how unlikely that is, even in the best of marriages! This book assumes that only ONE of you wants to work on the marriage, and that there is never any question of the other person being expected to help save the marriage is very freeing and cheering, because it gives the reader hope and removes the feeling of powerlessness that is engendered when you read a book that assumes you both want to make changes together. As you yourself take action to improve your own life and treat your spouse well (but no, we are NOT talking being a doormat, here!) you start to feel less panic-stricken, more calm and peaceful, less out of control, and you can then hold your head high. This author is nothing short of a genius. Read her books. Unless you are the most negative, cynical person I can imagine, you will find her ideas very practical, very helpful, and very much worth the price of the book. All her books are worth reading. This one is absolutely brilliant.

Superb. One of my all time best resources to recommend to friends and clients, because it focuses on what one person can do about a relationship, rather than requiring both people to get counseling or something like that. Usually only one person in a relationship is really motivated to do something differently, and this book coaches that one person to radically improve the relationship all by themselves. Also, the author is "marriage-safe," meaning she is oriented towards bolstering the relationship, not towards figuring out reasons to give up easily. (The Divorce Busting phone coaching service is the one I recommend unconditionally--it is excellent.) Practical, hope-giving, empowering.

Beware that this book was written in the 90’s by a boomer MWD. In this day and age, boomer advice does not work for anyone other than boomers and older. The information in this book is outdated and inapplicable to modern society. I even bought the “coaching” sessions in the back of the book and it was futile too. This book was also recommended to me by the boomer “marriage counselor”. At the end of the day you really have to ask yourself: If your spouse really loves you, would they just leave you without giving your marriage a fighting chance? Would you really need to read books and watch videos on tricks, gimmicks and strategies so they don’t divorce you? No you wouldn’t. The biggest lie in this book is “time is the most valuable asset”. If your partner leaves you, and you give this space, time and friendliness; all it does is give them a guilt-free chance to ride off into the sunset while you get even more hurt in the end. It gives them even more time to find someone else or move on while you cling to hope that’s not there. Don’t do “discernment counseling” either. If you find yourself in this type of counseling, it’s over and it’s only so they can tell you their exit plans and blame everything on you. Avoid this book.

A fantastic book! This is among the few such books that offers common-sense solutions and ways to implement them. Easily understood and enthusiastically written. I am going through a separation and have been able to cope with it, and make positive changes in my life. It's too soon to know if Michelle's book will save the marriage, but it has given me hope! A revised edition could cover more about the use/misuse of the Internet, Smart Phones, Facebook, etc., (leading to affairs) and how society is lacking in face-to-face communicating, but otherwise still a very sound guide. Anyone in a failing live-in relationship or marriage should read this book!

This book is easy to read, straightforward and devoid of complicated psychobabble. Though, clearly Ms. Davies has the clinical background to get deeply analytical, she writes this book as if she is sharing her experiences with close friends. She expresses empathy for the reader who is probably in significant pain and has difficulty making healthy decisions. Individuals having marital difficulties who might be facing divorce usually aren't sleeping well, so this affects their ability to make sound decisions. Ms. Davies recognizes the tendency for these individuals to act on impulse often to their own detriment, and offers clear, practical advice to help them increase their chance of repairing their damaged relationship. It is not overly sentimental or religious, though it addresses both the very real pain of the reader as well as spiritual aspects of love, tolerance and forgiveness. I am a pastoral counselor and would recommend this book to my clients in addition to couples counseling and spiritual support.

I am only on chapter 6 but have found the book interesting and helpful. It is refreshing to see a new approach to the divorce problem. Useful information that is certainly worthy of trying.

Best "cut to the chase" answer book to repair marriage and/or find happiness. However, really, it's time to offer this best seller as audio and digital versions. This is a MUST read, no matter your stage of marriage, because hopefully, we will have a chance to experience all of the stages through the last, "peace and harmony"! Fast, don't wait, get this book if you are looking for answers, and don't/ can't endure the wasted time and money on months of "psychobabble" sessions. Marriage "cycles" are normal as we learn in this book. This book takes you to understanding where you are, and the best answer for your situation-quickly. If you have faith, I also recommend (audio) "Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Families in Crisis" Dobson, AND "Divorce-Remarriage and The Innocent Spouse: Counseling For Betrayed Believers". These 3 books compliment each other. As the book cover itself would itself would likely cause ridicule, I found a favorite old book with the same cover size (Medieval Europe-a short history), steamed the cover off, and replace Divorce Remedy with the cover that didn't cause spousal alarm.

My husband has been in love with someone else (20 years younger and stunning) for more than a year, said he was filing for divorce and was about to move out. Said he didn't love me anymore. Didn't care what God, researchers, our children, parents, friends thought. DONE. I bought this book a month ago and gave Michele's methods a good try, even though I was 90% sure my husband was too far gone. Knowing my days were numbered, I read the book more than five times and spent hours on the divorcebusting.com online community. I started GAL (Getting a Life), exercising, eating healthy (but haven't lost weight yet), wearing different clothes (but not seductive or anything), doing different things, having a little fun, stopped talking about the relationship, kept my mouth shut! No more pressure, criticism, or unforgiveness. There will be time to work on issues later, but not if he's GONE. I developed extreme patience. I secretly took notes about what worked and didn't work, and noticed the small ways he was changing, which gave me hope. I ignored the other woman, hardest thing I've ever done! And... it is working! First, I noticed my husband just watching me with interest. Then, a few hugs and invitations out for low-key "dates". Sometimes I was available, sometimes not. Yesterday, he hugged me, kissed me, said he loves me and is determined to work things out with me. I can tell he really is ready now to work on the marriage and his issues. This man, who was prideful and rebellious, is now humbled and repentant. Truly a miracle. Go for it! Fire the marriage counselor and do what really works! There is too much divorce happening. Don't add to the stats. Follow these techniques for as long as it takes and never give up!

Practical, hopeful, and refreshingly different from the typical “assume it’s over” approach. This book doesn’t just dwell on problems, it gives actionable steps to repair, reconnect, and rebuild a struggling marriage. I loved how it focuses on solutions rather than blame, empowering couples to take realistic, strategic actions to improve their relationship. Clear examples, exercises, and advice make it easy to follow, and it genuinely feels like guidance from someone who understands the complexities of marriage without being judgmental.

Good service and good book

Ich finde das Buch echt super. Erkenne viele beschriebene Dinge an mir bzw uns wieder daher kann ich einige Ratschlaege annehmen und versuche diese auch umzusetzten. Soweit macht mein Mann gut mit und wir kommen uns naeher.Man muss viel ins innere Gehen und auch an sich selber arbeiten. Ist nicht immer einfach aber es ist es wert um Frieden und Glueck in der Beziehung zu schaffen.

When my husband and I separated, I knew instinctively that therapy was not the answer and started to trawl the internet for alternative options and advice. I received a recommendation for The Divorce Remedy and ordered a copy and I was not disappointed! This is a well constructed and brilliantly practical book for anyone who needs help on how to save their marriage. Michelle Weiner-Davis writes in such a way that it feels like she is really talking to you and offering tips on how to change your behaviour in a positive way. Just a week after reading the book, my husband and I spent a night together after four months of separation and, while we still have a long way to go and a lot of hard work, I feel much more positive about our future and a large part of that is due to reading this book. Buy it - you won't regret it!

Although this book is excellent for a marriage, the principles apply to all relationships in our lives. I have given away several copies to friends already to help them see the light too.