The Alphabet Of Manliness (revised)

Bought this for my brother in laws bday. His wife was not pleased… I read it 15 years ago and thought it was pretty funny. 🤣🤣🤣 thx Maddox

I have to be honest, here. I've read Maddox's website for years, and have long respected him for not giving in to the temptation to make money from his site with pop-ups, banners, etc. My sole purpose for having purchased this book was to support him financially for the years of entertainment he has provided millions for free.Then the book arrived... While still in the box from Amazon, the woman that delivered it grew a full beard and back hair just in the time it took her to carry it to my doorstep. By the time I got to page three, my testicles had stretch marks. At this point, I was afraid, and would have put the book down except that I knew doing so would have instantly reduced me to a sniveling girly-boy. By the time I finished the book, I had grown 8 inches, and not taller.I was once a computer programmer that spent my days in a cubicle. After reading the book, I walked into my place of work (I didn't even use the door, just walked through the brick wall) and smashed many faces and headbutted many a uterus, and am now the CEO of the company. I don't even work anymore. I just told them I was CEO, and nobody had enough testosterone to say otherwise.This book will change your life. Merely looking at the book in person will cause hair growth in places you didn't know hair could grow. Actually opening it will saturate you with testosterone. It is not recommended that you allow your wife near the book, as the book itself will have its way with her.This is my third copy I'm buying today. Every man in my family must have a copy, or I can no longer call them a man.-Javin

As soon as I learned the book was coming, I knew I had to buy it. I was expecting the same comedic genius no-holds-barred inflammatory, caustic, and mordantly cynical observations that he is infamous for on his "Best page in the universe" site. I was not disappointed. Just the cover alone, with the Tarzan-like he-man punching a gorilla in the face is absurdly hilarious enough to crack me up. That cover is brilliant!, and that folks,...is uber-macho! I'd love a wall poster of the cover.By the time I got to the letter "C" the book had already paid for itself. I had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. I have read every kind of humor novel and magazine I could get a hold of. This book is not the gentle Barry-esque humor, nor Buchwald, nor anyone else. It is 100% Maddox. Be prepared for the ultimate crotch-bomb collection of in-your-face manly-man balls of steel parody. This is one of the most flat-out hilarious books in the history of the written word. If you are easily offended, or too dense to see what he has done here and get mad about it, you need to get a thicker skin. Don't bother getting your panties in a bunch by reading this book, it's far too masculine for you. I recommend that you stick with the gentle musings of Dave Berry or Erma Bombeck.To make a small distinction, I viewed Maddox as more a literary Viking than a pirate. Pirates steal and plunder. Vikings discover and conquer. There is nothing stolen about this book. It's a trailblazer, and I hope to see more books from Maddox. I am waiting for the day that he branches out into other media. This is just the beginning of his meteoric rise to fame and yes, fortune. At risk of inflating his apparently frail self-esteem (ummm...right!) I'd say that he is a genius, and that this is the best humor in the universe.

I've been a fan of Maddox for years, but this book seems to have little of what made Maddox's writing so funny. Take this representative passage, for example: "Taunting is a remark or action intended to hurt people's feelings or to make them feel upset, angry, or inadequate. Why is taunting manly? Since taunting is, by definition, intended to make people feel bad about themselves, it's an insensitive act. The opposite of insensitive is sensitive, or caring about other's feelings. Women are sensitive, and since men are the opposite of women, men are insensitive by nature. Therefore, taunting is manly. "There needs to be some clarification about what taunting is and isn't. Taunting is not the same as making fun of someone. The main difference is that you can make fun of someone behind his or her back, whereas taunting is done directly to a person's face. Making fun of people behind their back kicks ass. It not only gives you the satisfaction of laughing at people's expense but also helps you be more prepared to make fun of them to their faces, so you don't waste any time trying to think of things to tease them about when see them. Think of it as training camp for teasers. For example, I make fun of my friends behind their backs all the time. In fact, I have a friend who has a stuttering problem, and I know he'll never read this book; so he's never going to find out that I made fun of his s-s-s-speech impediment in my b-b-b-book."Heh, you sure got your friend good, Maddox! Yes: it really is that boring. The thing is, in writing for his web site, Maddox would put on this macho character to support the point of an article, often a serious social or political matter. In THE ALPHABET OF MANLINESS, Maddox puts on this macho character for, well, no real reason. There's just no relief from it. We are instructed literally step by step on how to kick an ass, or how to take a dump. All this stuff that seemed so funny in passing devolves into the lamest bathroom style humor when put under Maddox's painfully exact critical lens. Sure, sometimes the articles on Maddox's site had no point, but at least they were short and sweet, e.g. "Bowl of My Nuts." This book cannot seem to go into enough detail about how to be man. It's really as if Maddox forgot at times that he wasn't writing seriously. The illustrations are a disappointment as well. Maddox's MSPaint drawings had a ruthless quality that is entirely lost in the sleek, professional illustrations provided by the book's artists.The "real" Maddox does shine through at times, but the laughs are few and far between. I'd almost recommend the book based on its better moments. However, for the most part, THE ALPHABET OF MANLINESS is a chore to get through and offers only the most base sort of humor. It's not that I'm offended by the subject material. What's important is not the material, but how the material is utilized. See Maddox's web site for a really great utilization of seemingly dumb humor. See this book for a--no, don't see this book at all. Don't waste your time.Oh, and the added NUMBERS OF MANLINESS sucks too.

For some reason I cannot find my previous review(s) on this.. and I ordered two of these..First one came in a jiffy-bag and in good time. Bought it for my partner and he absolutely loves it. One of the pages came out when he started reading it, but no matter, it's a used copy so it's not a surprise. Still good and he is very happy with it. Keeps it on his bedside cabinet to have a little read and laugh before bed.Second one was supposed to be a present, but it came in a plain grey plastic bag and the corners got banged up a little. That seems to be all, that's wrong with it.. I know the recipient will still be happy with it.The book itself is funny, and also has funny images. I know some people here either praise it to the heavens, or despise it saying it's not up for 'standard'(whateverthatis), and not worth the money... Chill. It's a fun book. If you aren't sure you want to spend on it, try buying a used one.One thing for certain, if you like Maddox's stuff, you will like this too.

Back in the day, I wasn’t a man. The contents of my ballbag were dank and shrivelled, and my member, although quite bulbus, was limp and useless.I was sad.After doing something necessary and trivial, like going for a pee – in the traps, I might add, as urinals would expose me for the non-man that I was - I would look in the mirror pensively (not unlike the music video for Aguileras’ ‘Beautiful’) and then spit on it after washing my hands because of my low testosterone and ballbag that resembled an oversized vulva.I needed to do something. I needed help. I needed a reckoning. So I ordered The Alphabet of Manliness.On receipt of this book and almost instantaneously upon opening, my Baxters dropped! They felt heavy, full, prolific...fruitful! My willy resembled butternut squash and as I stood proudly at a urinal – next to a black man who was built like Ving Rhames, I might add – I pulled my shoulders back and proudly sprayed and layed waste to everyone in my peripheral at the porcelain trough.A tremendous book...a tremendous man. Thank you Maddox.

Unapologetically crude, the Alphabet of Manlieness is the proverbial' joke you are desperately trying not to laugh at made at the least appropriate moment.' Well worth the eternity in hell that surely awaits all those that, like me, enjoyed every single of page of this literary third finger at a funeral!

Maddox disavowed this book recently saying he doesn't stand by what he wrote in it. This book is great satire, however the author himself doesn't even want you to read it any more.

It has extreme silly humor that probably only a man could appreciate, hence the name.This book is enjoyable to me and will not be to everyone's taste, but if you like macho humor, you will probably like this, too.Maddox does seem to run out of ideas by the time he gets to letter W, but I forgive him, because he is the man.