Was It Even Abuse?: Restoring clarity after covert abuse. Paperback – 23 July 2022

This is not an easy read - be warned. However it’s a necessary and healing one for many of us.When we haven’t got physical bruises to show, how can we know it’s abuse? So often we are conditioned to forgive, forget, let it go, give the benefit of the doubt, blame ourselves etc etc. However when a person is deliberately emotionally targeting us these attitudes allow the hurt to continue until we are totally broken down.This is validating, and insightful. Highly recommended.

This book ...wow! It has helped me so much. I'm only a 3rd of the way through reading it, but it is so on point. It's like reading my life whilst being in an abusive relationship for over 10 years, also the aftermath of leaving. It most certainly gives you clarity on the abuse you were suffering & I want to thank the person who wrote it as it has become invaluable to me, in my understanding & healing xx

This is such a good book and has possibly been the best resource for validating my experiences in my (now ended) relationship. Helps guide you out of the fog. If I could recommend any book for persons experiencing dv or confused about what is acceptable in their relationship, it would be this one. Applicable to both men and women in difficult situations. Be validated and empowered by reading this book.

This book is one of many on the topic of abuse of and violence against women, but excels in addressing the self- doubt of many women when dealing with the more subtle forms of abuse. These subtleties often go un-noticed, or more usually, are glossed over by the woman in the receiving end, until the abuse escalates to dangerous levels. Many women have been socialised into accepting these more subtle forms of abuse by being overly empathetic towards the abuser (he does this because he had such hard life) or by being totally unaware and uneducated in our own rights to basic respect, safety and health. Many women have been socialised into losing, or ignoring, their instincts about what is OK and what is not. This book is a wake-up call and should be required reading at high schools and colleges - for both males and females. Violence against women is a problem of epidemic proportions and goes largely unnoticed and un-talked about in society, with tragic consequences for many. Highly recommended, well- written and researched.

Dear Emma, Thank you for writing this book, I found it shocking, horrific, validating and it is the most accurate and complete view of my experience/25 year marriage that I have read. I still struggle to comprehend what has happened but your book certainly helped to clarify and explain the actions of the abuser, from describing the macro and micro patterns to more isolated behaviours such as locking you out of areas of your own home to the derision and hate used to describe those that upset the abuser, the constant and exhausting forms of criticism and berating. I started to highlight sentences, then paragraphs, then chapters that had relevance to my personal position. I highlighted a lot that was specifically relevant. And it is like watching a foreign film without the subtitles, but the more knowledge the greater the understanding, it still hurts and abuse is so wrong. It upset me greatly to read but it helped me a lot, thank you.

I read this book after coming out of what I realise now was a coercive controlling relationship, especially around finances. It solidified my thinking and gave me further clarity on how manipulative and controlling my ex partner was. They were charming, confusing and ultimately deceitful. I have clarity around why I was always mentally tired & making poor decisions.Useful, helpful, positive & thought provoking.

im only so way through this book but so far its exceptional. iv read so many books in an attempt to clean my psyche of abuse but this is something else !Its so amazingly accurate that i needed to keep taking deep breaths and breaks whilst reading. it has a depth that so far iv not encountered in any book/ video.if you are trying to recover from any form of emotional or psychological abuse do yourself a favour and buy this book. other sources out there are good but this has an understanding of covert abuse that i have not previously had explanations for. The whole nightmare of covert abuse is that its so subtle that its hard to pinpoint, which of course explains the title, but after reading this book the mists that have still remained are disappearing . its hidden , its subtle but heres the key takeaway so far...cumalative. its operating at a level consistently where you honestly dont know what is going on. i cannot recommend this book more highly.

I have read so many books about narcissistic abuse trying to understand what went on in my marriage. This book is in a different league to any other I have read in its clarity and in how much validation and self compassion I noticed myself feeling as I read it- no other book has done that. Finally someone has helped me believe that I really wasn’t crazy and that it was all about him. I am so grateful for this book. I have felt so much confusion but now I have the starting points to finally understand what happened to me- seven years after he left…