Spare: by Prince Harry, The Duke of Sussex

Just finished reading this and oh my god! I bought this book purely out of curiosity. I’ve seen the media stories, the spin, and I’ve never really paid that much attention and taken anything I’ve ever read in the media with a pinch of salt. I’m not a raging flag waving royalist but neither am I a republican I sort of sit somewhere in the middle. I read the Andrew Morton Diana’s story book years ago so I knew that the royal family back then were brutal and she was undoubtedly treated diabolically by them but part of me, a naive part of me assumed lessons had been learnt from everything that surrounded Diana. As I was reading this it became clear very quickly that I was wrong and that they, had learnt nothing.I’ve never read anything so heart-breaking in my entire life. There have been constant rumblings in the media saying what is written is lies, however I will say that Harry comes across as very believable and while I keep a reasonable amount of scepticism and cynicism I also know between the stories in the tabloids and this book which one I think is the more genuine.What I got from it was a twelve-year-old boy who was left traumatised by the death of his mother and who didn’t get the love and support from his family he should have, because that family was too emotionally stunted and entirely dysfunctional and too preoccupied with appearances and public opinion. That left him completely lost for a number of years. So much so he didn’t believe and couldn’t accept the fact his mother had died and he whole heartedly believed she was in hiding for a number of years and would one day return. That isn’t delusional, that is being trapped in a perfectly natural stage of grief. In this case denial because nobody helped him overcome it. Indeed, from what he has written he was packed off back to boarding school shortly after the funeral and just left to get on with it – at this point let’s not forget it was not your standard run of the mill funeral. It was a funeral where he was expected to walk behind his mother’s coffin with his brother with the eyes of the world on him (and yes, I agree with what Harry says Charles Spencer said about that – it was barbaric).Harry talks at length and with obvious fondness about his time in Africa and the army. (The chapter about his time in the army does go on a bit though). He says he found himself when he went to Africa and I agree but I believe he found his real purpose when he joined the army. He admits he wasn’t a scholar and when he joined the army, he found something he was good at, excelled at - he found a purpose. Plus, there he was no longer the prince, he was just one of the lads, anonymous and free. But the spectre of the greedy monster that is the media took that away from him and returned him to the goldfish bowl to be hunted, dissected and bullied. That greedy monster also made him incredibly isolated because he had to always question people’s integrity and motives. Did people want to know him genuinely or were they just looking to make a few quid by prostituting their association with him to the press. Plus, he always had to consider whose lives he was destroying by becoming involved with them and was it really worth it? How incredibly lonely he was, was reiterated loud and clear through this book in different ways. He was desperately trying to find something to cling on to and all the while he was searching, he was being repeatedly retraumatised by the monster that is the British press, and they through their actions compounded that loneliness.The main running theme through this book is his (in my opinion justifiable) resentment and antipathy towards the media. That is the whole point of this book after all, he is speaking out telling his story and not the story the media have written about him his entire life. This is Harry setting the record straight, for those people who choose to believe it. These were the people who he held responsible for his mother’s death (and it was a completely reasonable assumption on his part as we saw how Diana was hunted by paps). In my opinion they really do have a lot to answer for and I find it incredibly telling that because Harry is standing up to them, and saying ‘they did this, this and this’ they obviously don’t like it, they don’t like being called out on their actions. So, in response they are deliberately picking out the trivial parts from the book, the filler which when read in context with the other parts makes complete sense and explains how he was feeling was then compounded by trivial things like sibling rivalry. But they are pulling these parts and using them to ridicule him, making him come across as a whining baby who should just ‘get over it’ as they have said using the title of the book as their pun - to ‘spare’ us. That is called gaslighting and it is what bullies do, and the press seem to be nothing but bullies.The press do not like being held accountable for their actions and it makes them even more vicious in their attempts to silence those who dare to defy them and they have waged open warfare on Harry because he and Meghan sued them and won over the fact they ‘acquired’ a private letter sent to Meghan’s father. A letter which she was advised to send to him by the queen, and I believe they have further lawsuits pending. So gaslighting and intimidation seem to be the order of the day to try and shut them up and make them go away.This has been the case for years though, the media believe they are untouchable and don’t like it when it is pointed out to them that they are really not. They come back with the ‘freedom of speech’ defence, ‘the free press’ and I quite agree with that because it is important to have freedom of speech but what they do is not freedom of speech it is quite the opposite in fact. They want to control the narrative, control what people think and say, sway public opinion and they do that by whipping up hysteria, invoking tribal instincts. Twisting the facts spinning things and printing half-truths, and sometimes downright bare faced lies, offering a drip feed of a certain opinion to manipulate the psyche, stir up feelings and emotions – and that is propaganda. They think that is acceptable and you can see why they think that because we all know they do it to a certain extent but we still go along with it, society as a whole is complicit in their duplicity under the guise of ‘the free press’. Then there is their argument that he is ‘fair game’ which is also a questionable one. The main argument against that assumption is he never asked for that life, he was born into it he had no choice but to be thrust in front of the cameras from the moment he was born. What I got from what he wrote was that he knows and accepts the media will be interested in him because of who he is and what he was born into but what he doesn’t accept is the levels of harassment and intrusion that he has endured, or the bare faced lies told about him.What he has endured was truly horrific and nobody should have to live like that no matter who they are. I was barely half way through the book, when I had read the media had contacted the palace and lied about having a photograph of him to try and blackmail him into giving them a story – he called their bluff on that one which exposed their lie. They destroyed two personal relationships – one of the said girlfriends only lasted a couple of days before the harassment and intrusion made her rethink her choices. The other lasted longer and she once allegedly rang Harry in tears wondering why the paps always managed to find her and corner her wherever she was. It was quickly discovered that they managed that because they had put a tracker on her car. They harassed and bullied family members of people he was associated with. They illegally hacked his phone, they nearly ruined his army career; a journalist actually allegedly broke into Sandhurst while he was training and they spun it that they were doing it to expose the laxed security and showing Harry was in danger – Seriously?! They exposed where he was when he was in a warzone which was totally idiotically irresponsible as it was not only putting his life but all those around him at risk in that area. He was pulled out twice and retrained twice before the MOD said enough was enough and gave him a nice safe desk job which I believe ultimately made him take the decision to leave the army, and that was all despite the media crowing about how responsible they were imposing a blackout to maintain security and his safety. He talks repeatedly about two particular paps who come across to any reasonable human being as complete psychopaths, who cross the line repeatedly goading him just to try and get a rise out of him because they know that if they did get him to react, they would get more money for their photographs. Harry writes how he recalls his security once telling one that ‘they are going to get someone killed’ but they just didn’t care as long as they got their photograph. How can any of that behaviour be considered acceptable, justifiable or in the public interest?He holds up his hands and admits he made it easy for them at times with his own behaviour, (for example the nazi uniform debacle) but on those occasions it also comes across loud and clear that he had made genuine mistakes and had lapses of judgement. The media then jumped on those mistakes, blew them out of all proportion whipping up hysteria to the point where in some cases questions were asked in parliament.He repeatedly turned to his father for help, and was told repeatedly ‘just don’t read it’. Maintaining a dignified silence is all very well but when your own employees appear to be complicit in peddling the lies fed to the media that is an entirely different story and then it smacks more of I’d rather not get involved in case they turn on me again.It is incredibly sad to read that he has been repeatedly let down by his own family but despite that, what also comes through loud and clear in his words is that he really doesn’t hold it against them, he is just saddened by it. He even makes excuses for his father’s behaviour and it is clear that he still loves them dearly despite everything. He tells of how he and William asked Charles not to marry Camilla. They wanted him to be happy, they saw Camilla made him happy so they agreed to endorse the relationship for him so he could be happy. They just asked him don’t marry her and yet history tells us he ignored that very reasonable and understandable request. His relationship with William is particularly moving, it is clear he looked up to William growing up and just wanted… needed to be close to him but it is also clear William didn’t want that making Harry feel understandably alone. Aside from the usual sibling rivalry I think William should be more pitied than blamed as it is clear that he is also irrevocably damaged by his childhood and because he is still ‘institutionalised’ his issues manifest in displays of jealousy, competitiveness and resentment.But the most heart-breaking part of this story is the fact what has happened is inevitable because the monarchy is an institution, it is tradition and continuity and anything that challenges that is seen as a threat. It survives only because of public opinion, so that institution namely the people behind the scenes who seem to believe that they are the monarch rather than the monarch themselves and not the mere employees which they actually are, are complicit colluding with the media and manipulating circumstances making sure that the monster who controls what the public is supposed to think is kept happy and well fed so it doesn’t ultimately turn on them to the point where they are destroyed, thus also making them irelevent even if that means throwing members of that very family under the bus. The royal family is also incredibly ruthless, it has been seen time and time again through the years. It cold heartedly cuts off and disposes of those it sees as a threat to its survival (and in some cases rightly so) and sadly I believe that Harry, through kicking against that system, through standing up and saying hang on a minute, and by telling his story is their latest amputation.I cannot say I enjoyed this book, because it is not meant to be enjoyed it was not written for entertainment but to enlighten. But reading it has confirmed for me a number things I have always suspected and disabused me of the hope that the royal family will ever learn from their mistakes.

A must read - and before you see all the entirely false media snippets in the press.The Prince of Hearts speaks - a raw, honest, and tender account, So heartbreaking, devastatingly shocking and sad at times, but with so much humour - it’s really hilarious and funny in places. It also is a beautiful love story and a story of hope. I was somewhat surprised by how self-reflective he has become, and really enjoyed the way describes his experiences. I was deeply touched in many places - laughed, cried, was angry, surprised, confused - all the emotions.I loved what he says about being in Africa and in the bush, to which I can relate to so much and have experienced this strange depth (‘the world before it developed into the world’). It shows him as a lot more sensitive, philosophical and also a lot more spiritual (in between the lines and in different chapters) than I thought, and it so beautiful to see the raw, sensitive and tender part of his person come through. He comes through so relatable and down to earth. So human this story with all its ups and downs.The book gives us a view behind the curtain of a life that some condemn for its fullness of riches. Yet it is so clearly a life ‘bred in captivity’, in a “gilded cage”, that shows money and riches are not equal to ‘real’ freedom (or love). There are squashing rules and painful consequences that come with their enjoyment. What if one is born into it unable to chose? Now he has chosen. What courage.It was a gripping, and highly engaging story. The audiobook version that Prince Harry narrates himself, is so well read that it felt like you were experiencing the moments in real time, I couldn’t stop putting it down. The meaning and feeling of his words comes across, the heart of the story, in a powerful way when hearing his own words.I highly recommend the book and to read it yourself or listen to the audio version first.Before you see the atrocious and slanderous total dismantling of mere snippets of the pieces shared in the book. It is astonishing what the press has done right now with this book and its words for all to see. So much misconstrued excerpts - don’t be put off and read it yourself first. Then compare, then make up your own mind. The press has shown itself in its most poisonous light I have ever witnessed in these last few days of the publication of the book.With that, what irony that the mission of the book of highlighting exactly that, was successful.The main mission this book is to make us more aware of what the media is doing and how it is doing it. Most of us may already know this. But here we are right now witnessing it live - right in front of our eyes. Will we notice? Will we ‘spare’ the time to read it for ourselves, to really see?The story of the book, highlights that this could be any of us, you, me, not just any royal or someone who happens to fall out of the press and media’s good graces or is scrutinised. (It reminds me of the book “Becoming” by Michelle Obama, where she describes a similar experience when becoming the First Lady.) For Prince Harry, it has been like this since birth.I really wanted to make sure to read it/hear it all first, before looking at the news, but noticed how hard it is at times. Things seeped through. Even friends and colleagues in my field (of psychology) made throw-away comments based on some terribly dangerous headlines (e.g. in relation to the Taliban, when he recounts his honest experiences in the Army). It was so clearly taken out of context, which you would notice if you had read it and gotten to that part 2 of the book already. A couple of words taken out of an entire account and then an emotive word slapped onto it to make title to change its entire meaning. We don’t have time – and are all so willing to take in just disjointed bits from the media every day.I could not believe the article published in the Guardian by journalist John Grace, only three days after the book’s publication, falsifying artistically the entire book for us. It doesn’t even mention that it is under the guise of satire, but claims at the beginning: “To busy to read it? All the love, rancour, drugs and petty fights are here.”What follows is a confusing write-up, looking like a compilation of excerpts taken straight from the book, but you don’t quite know which part is added by the journalist and is false – that is, unless you read it for yourself! Snippets taken from the book, something else slapped on to it at the end, that wasn’t even in the book. How on earth can the Guardian get away with this? Publishing something so incorrect and defamatory? But the damage has already been done for many I suspect, who as a result roll their eyes, and don’t want to read the book. But ironically, this is the whole point that the book is trying to share. And if you read these claims, you cannot ‘unread it’. It makes you think, it can poison you and anyone who reads it without noticing. Words have power.So here we are and have the most powerful evidence of what this book is actually about.The most ironic thing in itself is happening for us to see in bright daylight under our noses. The power of the media – and so much falseness and untruths which we read about every single day. The mainstream press and media, most of us even ‘trust’.This book is not just about Prince Harry or setting his record straight, or share stories of his family, though this is the tool of the book. It seems to be about something so much bigger than that.What is of course fascinating as part of the story and in this whole unfolding drama is that we can all resonate personally so much with the family dynamics and the family story in so many ways (no matter what backgrounds we come from).All the family archetypes - all the roles we play in our families and the roles we feel trapped in or are assigned to hold, are represented in this book. May it range from the ‘golden child’, ‘black sheep’, ‘baby brother’, ‘big brother’, ‘rival brother’,’longed for sister’, ‘wicked stepmother’, ‘loving mother’, ‘absent father’, ‘the newcomer’, ‘the wicked daughter-in-law’, or so many other classics. These archetypes all represent our collective experience of family. We may recognise all these roles here in the book represented in some form or other. And this can really connect us to the family story in general, through our own lived experiences.But most of us will find it extremely hard to ever exit our assigned roles, or our family itself, however troubled and dysfunctional it is. It must be a hundred times harder for a member of a royal family who is controlled by and locked into ‘the Institution’ by blood.Harry has attempted the unthinkable and unspeakable, and in front of everyone to see. Good for him - and also how embarrassing… for ‘the Institution’.This may be the true core ‘danger’ of the book - for the media and press as well as the ‘Institution’ and the monarchy. It is clear with this book they were not successful at silencing him enough. The day before the launch, Prince Harry aptly comments in the ITV interview with Tom Bradby that “silence only allows the abuser to continue to abuse”. He also said “peace can only happen where there is truth”. This is an apt explanation of the purpose of this book, and it comes across in every chapter.It is bigger than just the story about Prince Harry because the book raises so many questions (and esp. with this vicious media and press reaction): How can we possibly discern right from wrong? And what role, what power does the media play out in this? One thing is for sure, you don’t want to be on the bad side of them.Prince Harry is standing up, speaking out and speaking his truth, which most of us are not courageous and brave enough to do at this level.If you check each, his words in the book account and the current media messages, it is like witnessing a modern crucifixion.We are watching it and it raises even deeper questions like: Would I speak out like this? How has the power completely shifted to controlled media? What means “freedom” and freedom of speech?The book raises in fact many questions on deeper issues about privacy, freedom of speech, human rights, but also unwittingly and indirectly - but to no surprise may question the entire existence of the monarchy. Of the validity and usefulness of an antiquated, backwards “Institution” behind the Monarchy itself - far too powerful for its own family members. Is it really still necessary to exist in this day and age? Many current members would of course not want to see it dismantled and as a result lose their existence. The war on Harry and any dissidents has to happen by default (as we are witness to) - to ensure its own survival. And since there is the existing long standing enmeshed relationship between the media and the Institution (“in bed with the Devil”- comment from the ITV interview, but not so direct in the book), both depend on each other for their survival. The book describes how – some of it in the subtext and in between the lines, but it also becomes clear in the story.If “it” (the Institution) wants to survive, it raises also the question if it could not show us a better example, be more of a role model? It doesn’t have to be this way – one or the other can only exist. Esp. in matters of the heart, family, unity, truthfulness, rather than the outdated stuffy rules, and power driven dynamics based on power and not losing face or pride? (But this will probably never happen.)In this book, the evoking of the deeper questions is done skilfully through the story of the heart, Prince Harry’s own story of his experiences and words. As such through metaphor it is a powerful tool to reach us deeper, to shake us up, especially with laughter and humour along the way that makes the reading (or listening) gripping, enjoyable and deeply engaging.With this book, Prince Harry shows tremendous bravery and courage and he could be applauded for daring this. And I can’t help but fear for him at the same time. This must be the toughest times of their lives right now, and I really wish them all the safety, love and protection they need around this time of transition “post-book”.I really hope that with this book he is able to achieve what he is hoping for.For one, to make an in-road for all of us to hold world-wide and British Press and media, its coverage and its employees more accountable for the suffering they cause to so many people every day.Because of this it is a must read / or listen to.It seems clear on more than the obvious level, that he is Diana’s son. How incredibly proud she must be - that he managed to ‘get out’. Though it is a hard road. If feels as though he is continuing the work that his mother had started. She still lives in so many peoples’ hearts across the globe and was able to touch so many – and even so many decades after. And with Prince Harry in his own right as Harry, what he is actually daring to do here is shining his own light, not being ashamed to have a voice and speaking and owning his truth - and with that leading by example.Not to be silenced. But good grief, we can see here in the book and the after effects, what a mammoth and difficult task it is and it comes with so much pain and consequences for him.My heart goes out to him and Meghan. And any other family member, I feel so much compassion for them. At the state of everything in our world right now. But there is also so much gratitude, love, joy and light in this book, peppered with tender mischievous humour which was so uplifting and able to create space for hope.Hope for change.

The searing image of Prince Harry and his brother Prince William walking behind their mother’s coffin is etched in all of our minds. And what I notice throughout is the most seismic event of Harry’s life, when he tragically lost his mother at the age of 12, which shapes the book. There are some interesting (sometimes funny) anecdotes about his royal life when he was younger, but threaded across the pages are also incredibly raw and emotional moments. What is also conveyed very deeply is the pitiful life of “the Spare” - often feeling as though your life has no value, no ultimate mission/goal, you have nothing to offer because you will never wear the Crown. As Prince Harry himself says, when his whole life has been told through the lens of the media, why should he not be able to (finally) tell his own story from the man who lived it! It is undeniably depressing that Harry and Meghan felt they couldn’t continue in their royal roles. They could have been a huge force for good, supporting communities in the UK and the Commonwealth, representing a true Modern Monarchy with their enviable platform and privilege. Leaked excerpts of The Duke’s memoirs don’t do his story justice. The book as a whole is a must read! Highly recommend :)