The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism Paperback – March 26, 2013

The Charisma Myth has opened my eyes up to my social capabilities. I know I'm not a doormat and I need to project that power to other people. I'm done not being taken seriously in job interviews because of nervousness. I'm sick of giving the impression that I have no personality due to shy politeness. That's really not who I am--I have a backbone, I speak my mind and I don't take crap. I want deep respect among my peers and for people to listen to me. I am so glad I discovered The Charisma Myth.Olivia Fox Cabane is a professional charisma coach and lecturer, she has spoken at Stanford, Yale, Harvard, MIT and focuses on charisma coaching for professionals in business. If that's not great validation, what is? She explains that charisma is not something certain lucky people are simply born with--Charisma is a skill set that anybody is capable of developing. She gives great advice on projecting Presence, Power and Warmth, the three most valuable characteristics of charisma. The four different types of charisma are defined: Focus like Bill Gates & Gandhi; Visionary like Steve Jobs & Martin Luther King Jr.; Kindness like Princess Diana & The Dalai Lama; Authority like Winston Churchill & Margaret Thatcher. The book also covers overcoming your obstacles, creating positive mental states, making the right first impression, being a good speaker and listener, and body language. There are scientific explanations for how our mind affects our physiology and vice versa; how the brain works and how it can trick us. There are exercises to build skills such as- presence, de-stressing, neutralizing negativity, finding peace with difficult people, stretching your comfort zone, visualization, gratitude, compassion, using the Metta exercise, perfect handshake, voice fluctuation & vocal power, "Being the big Gorilla" authority projection, and showing vulnerability.One of the biggest fundamental ideas, however, is to make others feel like remarkable people rather than portray yourself as top dog--you can have authority but not be perceived as likeable. The goal is to take interest in people and you will in turn be liked and have that power. That is more genuine than trying too hard to act boisterous, controlling, and demanding of attention. The book has helped me realize the behavior of others and why they may be acting that way. It's helped my angry mind rationalize my opinion of one particular person I worked with, who loved to hear themselves talk and always talked about themselves but I always knew they put on a front. I now realize this person is probably insecure and is overcompensating & using it as a defense mechanism. I've actually had a few small social encounters where this person was relaxed, real and I thought they were decent. See? It's a first and false impression that can completely ruin other peoples' perception! Even if you don't care what people think, still be aware of how others perceive you. *I still don't really like that person :)My favorite quote from the book is one said by Dale Carnegie-- "You can make more friends in two months by becoming truly interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."All of this very technical information is written in a direct, easy-to-follow style. It's been a while since I've had the patience to sit down and read a book, and I can't tell you how many times I've started reading a book and didn't pick it up after a few chapters. Amazingly, I read this over the course of a 5-day period. The Charisma Myth is one of the most engaging, insightful and helpful books I've EVER read. So I may not attend an Ivy-League school or work in business, but I can build these skills in my acting career--you absolutely need to be confident as an actor. If you're on the fence, read this book! I'm happy I did.Thank you, Olivia!

I read a lot of books in this genre - call it "professional self-help." I've spoken professionally a few times now about leadership and communication, and for my most recent one just a few months ago I did a ton of reading research and a lot of it was books like this one. Most of them are mediocre. I began reading The Charisma Myth expecting more of the same, frankly: platitudes, some common sense stuff, the kinds of advice that will only make sense to people who don't need it. I was just hoping for a tidbit or two that would be useful.I don't really gush about things. If anything I tend to be very demanding and therefore very critical. Like I said, I think most books in this genre are essentially useless.The Charisma Myth is a truly phenomenal book. It's so good that I have recommended it to several of my colleagues and it has already changed the way I manage my team and relate to my coworkers. In fact, my first gut reaction when I read it was "I guess I should stop speaking, now, because everything I'd want to talk about is covered in here."Here's the thing: most of these kinds of books give you a few things:1. Platitudes: useless, pithy sayings.2. Random Anecdotes: stories that don't really offer any takeaway you can act on.3. Abstract Imperatives: things like "be a good listener!" If you're not already a good listener that's kind of like saying "Roast Beef Recipe: Get some beef and roast it." It's not helpful - it doesn't tell me what actual specific actions to take.Here's what this book gave me:1. Extremely concrete, specific actions: Every piece of advice about conduct or mindset is accompanied by direct actions to take. When you're in a conversation and find your mind drifting, bring it back to a physical sensation in the present, like the feeling in your toes. That's just one example of many, but they're all things you can actually DO, not abstract imperatives like "be a better listener" or pithy-but-vapid stuff like "smile more!"2. Visualizations: I've never seen anyone push visualization like Olivia does. She makes the compelling point that visualization is something top athletes and actors have known about forever. In my talks I've always felt slightly uncomfortable urging people to do visualizations, but not anymore, not after reading this. She runs through a lot of specific visualizations, and they're immediately useful practices.3. Taxonomies: Of the most useful business and management blogs I read, some of their most useful posts (I'm thinking of randsinrepose.com, for example) are taxonomies. "The five kinds of meeting attendees." "The four kinds of firefighting." Or whatever. These are helpful to me because by enumerating a problem space as a handful of distinct categories they help me crystallize my own thinking about it. Olivia does this when she enumerates the four kinds of charisma. Look, I think I'm a good manager and leader, an empathetic guy and good at my job, I'm not gonna lie, but I'd never thought about it in this way. This was pretty eye-opening to me. I read this part and thought, oh yeah, I've got the "focus" and "kindness" charisma but less of the "authority" and definitely least of all the "visionary" charisma. And that gives me specific things to work on, and a way to understand why I'm better at motivating people in certain circumstances rather than others.To anyone who wants to be more charismatic: to be more successful at work, more able to positively influence those around them, more able to open up and make real connections with others, and just more able to lead a rich and happy life - and I know how this sounds, I swear I don't usually gush like this! - this book tells you everything you need to know. Everything! No other book I've read does that.To be clear, that's like saying Rippetoe's "Starting Strength" tells you everything you need to know to be a very good, extremely strong weightlifter. You still have to do a ton of really hard work! This book doesn't make you magically charismatic. But it gives you direct, specific, applied practices that, if you do them, will make you more charismatic and enrich your life. Of all the pop psychology, management, leadership, and professional self-help books I've ever read, I cannot say that about a single other one.I give this book my absolute highest recommendation. It is absolutely superb. I don't say that lightly.